How damaged must someone be to fake his own death.
About a year ago I took on three new sponsees, two of them were totally out there and beyond my capabilities to guide them thru the steps, and the third Frank Haney was very angry but by all standards was in appearance, willing to do the work and for the hope to get relief from his alcoholism. One of the first things he said to me was "Please don't abandon me". I promised him I would never do that. Frank or Pacey as I knew him was a very angry man to the world , but to me he was a very hurt young man who showed me that he had a heart and was vulnerable to me.
Pacey was working really hard but he was getting frustrated, because he just couldn't stay sober. He would get a week or two weeks maybe three and drink or pop pills and then you would get frustrated and get angry again. We walked through each one of these times, and it seemed as if he was learning each time. I requested that he journal and he did, I requested that he call me when he was having a problem and he did, I told him he needed to go to meetings and he did, each time, the request I made Was completed. Or so I thought. Now Pacey told me many times that he was a master manipulator, Little did I know how much of a manipulator he was. We would go to meetings together, we would eat lunch together, we would hang out when he was having a hard time and struggling. For several months we hung together almost every day and I began to love him, and know him. He told me that he drank and drove and i would tell him that one day he was going to kill himself or someone else if he didnt stop. He also told me how lonely he was and that he did not want to live. I would tell him if he killed himself now , he would be killing the wrong person. One day after a particularly hard struggle he began drink, and I stuck by him and said it would be okay. He had gotten so angry that he couldn't get it, that he was struggling and he hated that he was an alcoholic. He finally told me that he didn't want to program and he didn't want me as a sponsor and that I needed to screw off. Of course I was hurt by this, and he was bound and determined to leave the program so I told him when he Changes his mind I will be here waiting for him to support him in his recovery. He contacted me once by texting me a pic of his new tattoo, after not hearing one word from him in weeks and then once on FB stating he was thinking about suicide, I suggested going to a meeting, and getting some professional help. A month or so passed when while I was visiting LA, my sponsor called me on the phone and said, Loren I wanted to tell you this before you saw it on Facebook… Pacey committed suicide. I was crushed, my heart sank, and I couldn't help it feel guilty thinking that I could've been there For him more and somehow stopped him from committing suicide. The rest my weekend went okay and through the days and the weeks that past i mourned him I cried I got angry. About a week after the news I was finally able to get a hold of his family or a response from them through his phone. It was his brother who asked me questions about the program and why he did it or how he did it and I told him I didn't know but I told him that Pacey was a very angry individual. I told him that we loved him and that we miss him and I apologized for his loss. Conversation with his brother went on for several days maybe even a week and his brother said that there wasn't going to be any services because they were bringing the body back to where he was from, I didn't see anything unusual about that but it hurt me that there wasn't going to be a service. So I let it go and I mourn the loss .
Fast-forward several months down the road to yesterday when I was at Pete's coffee coming out of the bathroom and I noticed a very handsome young man with very similar tattoos to Pacey's on his arms and as I got closer I realized that those tattoos on those arms were connected to Pacey. Imagine my surprise and shock when I realized it was him. I went up to him and I said OhMyGod your alive, I've got so many questions what's going on I need to ask you questions and not even looking up, He said as he was typing on his phone I'm too busy and I can't talk right now. I asked him which he text me and he flat out said no… I said so you won't text me he said no. Instant anger and shock and disbelief I said… Fine. And I walked out of Pete's coffee... Completely dismissed
Can't understand and frankly don't care to understand why a person would want to hurt someone like that. I never ever once wished bad on him. I only loved and wanted to see him succeed. I can honestly say that I never want to see or speak with him again. He is such a sad, damaged, heartless individual that it is going to be by the grace of God and only God that he change. I will NEVER trust him again.
Thanks Frank A Haynie
