New beginnings

Tonight I sit here in my apt that I share with a great person Katy and I ponder what and where my life is going and what I have done so far....I think Im going thru a midlife crysis, I realize that after turning 48 a few days ago that I really am not in the place that I want to be right now. I am possibly in the wrong job that I love and I might have moved into an apt that might not be a good decision , I am going to sell my truck and I am not sure that this is the right decision either....all I can do is pray to God that the choices that I have made are the right ones and that he will guide me in all that I am going to do. I am scared. I am at a place again that I am not sure of, it is not a good feeling to know that you might be making bad choices or have made choices that will prolong me succeeding or having a better life than before...God guide me and protect me and help me make better decisions that will help me make an amazing life for myself..I pray this in my creators name. AMEN

So many times in my life I have prayed those same words and more times than not God has lead me through a rough time, If I do what I am supposed to do, sometimes that is to only take the next step, then God usually helps me out by showing me a path that was until then hidden or fogged out. But if Im stubborn and try to force something into working out there usually is alot of worry or doubt involved and sometimes it takes me twice as long to arrive at the same destination as it would have taken if i had just gotten out of the way. Funny how that works....lol

To switch or not to switch

This was written a couple of years ago and I wanted too publish this as a memory of my struggles.

iI guess maybe iI should start from the beginning.

iI was raised in a little town in Idaho called Cour'd Alene, and little did iI know that my destiny would lead me to where iI am today. iI was raised on a Farm so milking cows and riding horses were an everyday occurrence. When an event came along at 22 that changed my life. A man!…. He took me to California and that's where my life started. iI was immediately exposed to leather, BDSM, and the underground drug life.

It wasn't until much later that iI discovered that iI really loved the leather lifestyle, and it became very apparent quickly that iI was a submissive although at the time iI had no clue what that meant. i I just know that I felt safe being told what to do and being restrained.

No dating women, and having sex with them most of my youth and adult life until then really played a big part in me making the decision that I was a switch.

It wasn't until iI turned 40, and after being in a relationship for 7 1/2 years that iI looked towards the fetish world for answers. iI was bored in my relationship that had turned flat, and I needed more!  So through a chance meeting with a woman, a dominatrix that iI started my journey. Through my relationship with Hher that iI discovered iI was the switch.

Here's the story of my journey with her and my discovering that iI was a switch.

iI met her at a pride festival that iI was going to and iI had asked Hher how I could participate in our community in the finish world, because iI was still very naïve when it came to all of the workings of our family. So Sshe took mMe on as a submissive for Hher place… And a tight relationship formed very quickly between Hher and iI, now iI being a gay man and Sshe being A woman iI was not sure how this is going to work , but Wwe forged ahead blindly not knowing how this was going to all play out.  iI was excited and the fact that iI was going to have a Dom again, as my partner after a few years decided he was not wanting to participate as a Dom. So onward Wwe went going to events, planning parties.. Just having an amazing time. Now there came a time when iI was exposed to a whole slew of fetishes, one of them being littles… Now unbeknownst to Hher for Sshe thought, Sshe had a little inside Hher, just waiting to explode out into the world, now the reason why iI say unbeknownst to Hher,  was that through the years Sshe had a childlike person inside Hher that Sshe would only let come out when Sshe felt safe. We became so close that Sshe was more felt safe enough to reveal that Sshe had this little girl inside of Hher that was yearning to get out and that if it was okay with mMe that Wwe would try something very new. And that was that iI would be Hher Daddy and sShe would be My little gGirl, now it in the fetish world if you do age play a lot of times there is sensual play that is involved as well, but for Mme when sShe became a little iI really truly became hHer Dad and could no longer see hHer as a grown woman so therefore  iI could no longer be passionate with hHer. And in turn mMe being gay and the fact that II saw hHer as a "little" really sealed oOur fate. iI truly was a good Daddy, iI took care of hHer iI tried to make hHer feel safe gate for the things that sShe needed but one of the things iI could never do was iI couldn't see hHer passionately anymore, iI truly regret going down this path. But what this event did for mMe, was iI realize that iI truly had the ability to be a caring dominant and a loyal submissive, now I'm a submissive or a boy at heart and iI prefer that position, iI also don't mind being a dominant once in a while.

 Sexually iI am a submissive, but fetishly iI am truly a switch, iI really enjoy getting flogged and beat and iI also love flogging, whipping, beating, spanking, cutting and much more as a top.... So iI think iI can say from this point that iI am a switch. Now mMy inexperience maybe fooling mMe, the people around mMe hey tell mMe different but in mMy heart and in mMy mind it is "to sSwitch". iI appreciate all who reads this, and iI definitely would appreciate comments or hearing other people stories about switching, not only sexually but emotionally and physically.

iI will say this, iI was REALLY confused about who iI was and iI do not recommend getting into a D/s relationship like this unless you know who you are. iI hurt the her very badly because of mMy not knowing, and experimenting with that relationship ultimately led to Hher not ever talking to mMe again. iI am truly sorry for this as mMy life was enriched by Hher presence.

Also iI have tried to get my protocol right and apologize if iI have confused anyone.

Thank you, 

Boy Loren

Note to reader: The double CAP/lower case denotes Order of Dominance.

Sshe= I am referencing her dominant side first and her submissive side second...it all depends on the situation.

sShe= submissive forst dominent side is second